Appreciating people after they’re gone

I was thinking about part of what Catherine‘s said on my last post: “I’m going to spend a little more time with my loved ones in honor of your Uncle Tom.”

I mentioned in the post that I was never incredibly close to my uncle. In fact, I’ve lost two uncles in the past year (dad’s brother and mom’s brother), and I wasn’t close to either of them. But in both cases, hearing their eulogies made me realize there were lots of reasons I should’ve been closer to each of them. My Uncle Tom, for instance, loved to do crosswords or play card games. Would it have been so hard for me to play a few games of cards with him?

Uncle Tom was also apparently quite the dictionary whiz. He knew just about any word you could throw at him. After the funeral Tuesday night, as we sat at his dining room table, my aunt asked if anyone could remember the word for pay given to a pastor for funeral services. We all sat stumped until I got on the internet and found the word – honorarium. My aunt remarked that Tom wouldn’t have needed the internet.

It is an outright shame that I only learned this stuff at the funeral. It seems like that’s when you really learn to appreciate people – after they’re gone.

But I’m not exactly sure what can be done about it. Should you ask everyone you meet “hey, what do you really like doing? No, I mean what do you really like doing”?” Or should we all talk about ourselves more often – be more aggressive about telling people what we enjoy in attempts to get them involved in our lives?